raising the threat level

I remember several folks back at Druid Hills talking about how the Bush administration were experts at using the "terror alert" scale to keep everyone constantly paranoid, raising the alert to modify our behavior and get us to return to our defensive tendencies. It's also one of the things that Michael Moore talked about in Fahrenheit 911, I believe.

Anyway, this week has kind of been like that for me. I don't think Amanda means to be making me paranoid, but she's doing a really good job. The cause is quite simple, actually: she's got a cough. Now normally that wouldn't be a source of paranoia, but consider this - one of her most utilized "shape up, boy" moves is to clear her throat. This typically creates an immediate tensing throughout my body, as I try to figure out what I've just done that caused offense (since I can pick it out 90% of the time upon reflection, but almost never ahead of time). If it happens a second time, I usually stop dead in my tracks and think quickly over my recent actions.

Well, this week, I've been second-guessing and feeling like I've done something wrong constantly. Every time she coughs, my shoulders scrunch up and I start to feel like the bottom's about to fall through (or something's gonna be thrown at me). Maybe there's something to this "changing the threat level creates paranoia" thing, since most of the day I felt like there was a throat-clearing just around the corner.

It probably didn't help much that Amanda's second-favorite signal that I did something dumb is breathing heavily in and out, which tends to happen in the doctor's office during check-ups and when someone is trying to make sure that they can breathe well.

Actually, this is probably just payback for those years and years in which I enjoyed getting Amanda to think that I was thinking about or doing something even when I wasn't, and then making her increasingly paranoid as she tried to figure out what I hadn't thought about before she accused me of thinking about it. Guess that's fair enough. Actually, who am I kidding, I did that last week. She's getting better at sniffing out when I'm shoveling it on, though, so that adds a degree of difficulty. Maybe I should grow up. Then again, you probably shouldn't hold your breath.