christmas gifts

Well, it was a nice Christmas for the von Herrmanns. I managed to snap some people out of their slumber on Christmas Eve by banging a hymnal against the pulpit. My parents and brother and sister in law came up Sunday for lunch, then we hung around and exchanged presents. Mom spent the night and dad drove back up Monday for the late Christmas Eve service.

I got a couple of gifts that were just extraordinary, so I thought I'd share some of my personal favorites:

Cookies with the logo for the VON Corporation painted on them in icing.

ESPN's Guide to Psycho Fan Behavior

Tales of Glory biblical action figures, which will end all of my attempts at prior Children's Sermon preparation (which typically involves spending 10 minutes at Sermons4Kids.com) - I'm just going to start grabbing a different figure every Sunday. I also got some Messengers of Faith action figures that tell biblical stories when you push a button.

How cool is that?

Cullman High School Band on CBS

Here is a video from the Cullman High School's appearance on the CBS Early Show. They asked whether Cullman stole the opponent's mascot, but I assure you that Bubba the Hornet is still safely tucked away at Chelsea High School (and won't get to come out for a football game until next year).

"worth every penny"

This is Amanda's analysis of Coach Saban after today's glorious whipping of UT. It's nice to know that we'll actually show up for a big game. I was a big fan of the onside kick at the beginning of the game, I doubt anyone saw that coming. Also, I would have hated to be in that locker room after giving up that field goal to end the half. When a coach who's been around as long as Saban curses in front of the camera, you know he's hot.

We'll have to see what goes down with our 5 ineligible players; rumor is that they were saying they were taking extra classes, dropping the classes, then selling the textbooks. Hopefully they'll find out it wasn't anything too illegal or too stupid, but you never know.

In other news, there's a virus going around the von Herrmann house, so stay away if you can. Amanda was sick all night, so neither of us got any quality sleep. Might make for an interesting set of sermons tomorrow morning.

back after awhile

Well, yesterday was one of those days at the von Herrmann household. Every team I cheer for lost, and those I cheer against won. How about the awful announcing, highlighted by Will Heath? I did enjoy the fact that Todd Blackledge gave the cable version of my "what the crap?" look.

We just got back from a trip to Bloomington, Indiana to celebrate my grandma's 90th birthday. Any time you can have a party during happy hour at the retirement community, it's gonna be fun. While there, we visited Amanda's new favorite restaurant, the Cereal Barn and Peanut Butter Cafe. She had cocoa puff, peanut butter cap'n crunch, coconut, and almonds. I had Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Honey Nut Chex, Coconut, and mini marshmallows with soy milk. We did have a good laugh as they were talking about "game day traffic" for the IU - Illinois football game.

I was reminded again today how lucky I am to be an associate pastor rather than the senior pastor. Bob is out of town, so I did everything in both traditional services (and am about to faint). Luckily Jeff Moore, our youth director, preached in the contemporary service, so I only had to preach twice. To give you an idea about the nature of my sermon, the second version ended with the following: "so are we going to be Christian or not? I guess we'll see." As Bishop Willimon often says, if you're not making someone mad, you're not doing your job. I guess I decided to do my job.

Summer fun

We've had a busy last few weeks. Vacation Bible school was fun again as usual. This year's theme was "Take the plunge!" - a waterpark theme. Peter enjoyed his yearly assembly skit role talking to a puppet- this year as "head lifeguard," talking to a penguin, "J.P.

I enjoyed helping lead the preschool music sessions, but Peter and the rest of our Cullman friends we see daily had to endure hearing how the songs were stuck in my head all week. There's a special place in heaven (or hell?) for the people who write jingles 90% of the year and VBS songs the rest.
"I've got the Source, a never-ending fountain. I've got the Source and it's flowing ever free. I've got the Source of all the good things in life. Oh, yeah! I've got the Source, and it's living in me! Are you lookin' for courage? God is the Source. Are you lookin' for wisdom? God is the So-uhuh-ource. Are you lookin' for faith? God is the So-ohoh-ource. God is the Source of All good things...."
"If you wanna go swimming in the river of life, you've got to plunge right in with all your might - you've got to jump, jump, jump right into the love of the Lord. If you wanna go surfing in the sea of love, you've got to put your faith in God above, you've got to jump, jump, jump right into the love of the Lord. When the storms of life start to get you down, and the waves of fear come crashin' round, don't give worry a place inside, just plunge right into Jesus Christ." (insert jazz hands here)


Last weekend we attended the first session of the Academy for Congregational Development, a series of six seminar/retreats sponsored by the North Alabama Conference of the and the General Board of Discipleship of the UMC. It is part of the ordination process in North Alabama, all second year probationers (like Peter) attend. The first session was very very interesting - it left me jokingly asking Peter, what did you learn for three years in seminary if you didn't ever cover this stuff? The Academy takes place at Camp Sumatanga, where our room at the retreat center featured this recliner, which looks like something they use at Space Camp to make the kids feel like they are about to launch. It takes a crane to get yourself out of "recline" position, especially as there is no recline lever.



And finally, Peter was busy Forrest Gump-ing it this afternoon.
"Now, because I had been a co-ed flag football star, and a VBS hero, and a local celebrity, and a Boy Scout canoe captain, and a seminary graduate, the city fathers of Cullman, Alabama, decided to get together and offered me a fine job . . .
And 'cause I was a godzillionaire and I liked doing it it so much, I cut that grass for free."

One of those online quiz things

Following the lead of Matt Reed, I took a "Theological worldview" quiz. Like him, I'm not overly shocked by what I found. I'm actually surprised I scored as high as I did in emergent / postmodern. I tend to find some aspects of that approach that I like, but I also find some that I dislike. It's probably mainly that the parts I agree with are what this guy quizzing considers "true emergent/postmodernism," whatever that is. But I know that I'm heavily influenced by Wesley and Bonhoeffer, which explains the first two.

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan, You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists. Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 89% Neo orthodox 75% Emergent/Postmodern 75% Roman Catholic 71% Classical Liberal 54% Modern Liberal 46% Charismatic/Pentecostal 36% Reformed Evangelical 32% Fundamentalist 11% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

soothing von Herrmann?

Apparently, the Atlanta Journal Constitution once thought so. This is an article about my great grandfather, Charles Frederick von Herrmann, Sr. He was the weatherman in Atlanta for a long time, or, as this article says, he was the "god of the weather for Atlanta and the vicinity." Who knew I am a shoot off of the divine.

I really want to take a nap. I used up all my energy being inspired by Will's latest blog entry, which Amanda insisted I watch before leaving the house.

back to pictures

Our friend willheath is fond of posting links to various videos that offer amusement, which I tried to emulate yesterday with the squirrel flipper video. It might be wise, however, to stick to what we at the von Herrmann house do best - posting random and bizarre pictures of our travels. So here it goes:

A few weeks ago, we took a trip down to Pensacola to help celebrate the upcoming nuptials of our friends Lonnie and Susannah. When we got to the Bay Beach Inn in Gulf Breeze, we were pleased to see that they anticipated Alabama fans in the room (or at least decided to do something fun with their towels):


We got a chance to see "The Council," a group of my classmates from seminary, which was a lot of fun.

We also got a chance for a little biblical humor as we drove past a local grocery store. Who knew that Nod was in South Alabama. Apparently, there are quite a few Cain's Grocery stores in South Alabama, all of which advertise their butcher. I saw a commercial for this store in which an old lady walked around a grocery store and kept asking "where's the butcher?" over and over. Finally, someone pointed her toward Cain's. They are, after all, the home of the butcher.

do you dislike squirrels?

If so, then go to this site.
Once you're there, click on the "Droll Yankee Flipper Family Video" on the bottom right.
You can enjoy 3:00 of squirrel flipping fun, or you can fastforward to 2:20 into the clip for a highlight reel.
My mom just got one of these. She sadly hasn't seen any squirrels getting flipped, but I think this might beat out the bug-zapper as far as entertainment in nature.

4th quarter. 4th quarter. 4th quarter

So, it's 2:17 a.m., and I've got 6 hours and 13 minutes until I have any prospect of sleeping. I'll get to go through a "sleep-deprived EEG" so that my central-time neurologist can look at my brain waves while I'm sleeping. Basically, I'm not allowed to sleep for 24 hours, nor can I have caffeine. They're more or less trying to force me to fall asleep during the test. Anyway, I'm in the midst of trying to stay awake, so I figured I'd update the blog in case anyone's curious.

So what's been going on with the von Herrmanns the last month? Work, vacation, work, work, work. That pretty much summarizes it. We went for a vacation three weeks ago down to Fort Morgan, which was a nice getaway. We basically stayed inside and bummed around for a majority of the time, but it was nice to get away from the office and work and everything and just be together.

The last two weeks, I've been holding down the fort while Bob, our senior minister, went to Greece with an ICE group that he's a facilitator for. It was a little crazy the first weekend after he left, since we had two people in the congregation die before he had left the country. I ended up doing two funerals in one day, which was quite the experience, particularly since I'd only met one of the people I was eulogizing. I think I pulled it off pretty well - I managed not to mess up their names, which was my primary goal.

Since that initial burst, it's actually been pretty calm, except for the trouble I've stirred up on my own. As a result of that, we'll have a couple of Sunday School classes changing rooms, but it'll be a good thing all around once we get through the transition.

Amanda's still having a blast playing with the Hispanic kids on the bus on Tuesday afternoons and tutoring a couple on Tuesday mornings. I'd like to join her at some point, but my schedule's usually crazy enough that I don't think I could be dependable.

Anyway, I think I'm going to rewatch some of the Matrix trilogy now. That should keep me awake. Already hit some 24 earlier. Just need stuff blowing up and I'll be good to go.

a letter to a Baptist friend about Unconditional Election that became an essay on Calvinism

What follows is an email I sent to a friend of mine who grew up Methodist but is currently attending a Baptist church. They had a question about the concept of unconditional election, so I wrote this essay on TULIP Calvinism to try to explain it. They said it helped, so I figured I'd post it here in case anyone gets bored.


The concept of "unconditional election" is based on the idea that humans are incapable of choosing God or doing any degree of good. If you've heard the Caedmon's Call song "Thankful," it's a pretty good summary of this doctrine. Election is unconditional because you really don't even have the option of turning it down - God has decreed that you are elected, therefore you are. Unconditional election is one of the five points of traditional Calvinism, often abbreviated TULIP (for Total depravity, Unconditional election, Limited Atonement, Irresistable grace, and Perseverance of the saints). In looking on the internet I found a site that summarized the five points of TULIP Calvinism, and compared them to some of John Wesley's ideas -
http://www.crivoice.org/tulip.html

As best as I can summarize it, the basic question distinguishing Calvinism and Methodism comes down to free will - do we have any or not? TULIP Calvinism argues that we do not, that grace comes from God and we can take absolutely no credit for it. Armenianism (the name often used for the pro-free will camp, who count among its members John Wesley) argues that although we are corrupted and sinful, we are never completely without God and have been granted choice by God to choose the good or to choose the evil. Grace is still a gift, as is free will, but we are coparticipants in justification for Armenians. For Calvinists, we're just along for the ride.

The debate about whether us having free will invades God's sovereignty and whether God can choose to limit God's own power has been going on for centuries and will probably continue for centuries. From an intellectual standpoint, I can see how God being outside of time and beyond our realm already knows what we're going to do, and knew before we were even born. God said that "I am the God of Jacob, the God of Isaac, etc." because God is in the present while also being in the past (and also being in the future). Because I have this understanding of God being outside our understanding of time, I don't really have a problem with saying that we have free will because as far as we can understand, we are given the opportunity to choose. God might already know what we're going to choose, and I could spend all day second guessing any choice I make (did God know I'd choose that? I'll do that instead. But did God know I'd do that instead? I'll go back to the first one.) Does the fact that God knows what I'll choose make my choice any less real?

On issues like that, I tend to say "God is God, and I'm never going to fully understand God." With that understanding, I look at what I can see from my human perspective, as well as what will make me a more faithful Christian. As far as I can see, I do have the ability to choose, although often my choices are tainted by sinful desires and misguided thoughts, they're still
my choices and every once in a while they're good ones. Furthermore, focusing on the fact that God's already made God's decisions will make me lazy, losing the desire to evangelize, to work for justice, and to live out the calling of Christ. There are amazing Christians who hold firmly to the TULIP ideology, but frankly it just doesn't work for me. I'd imagine on some level we're both right, and both wrong. I would imagine that most Baptist churches tend to have a bit of a smatterring of different philosophical traditions, so there are probably some people in your church that would be described as more Armenian and some who would be described as more Calvinist.

A 6th grader asked me a few months ago "what's the difference between a Baptist and a Christian?" I explained that Christian was a broad term for all people believing in Christ and Baptists are a denomination that hold very strongly to each church making its own decisions. He followed that one up with "Which is better?" I said "I choose to be Methodist because I agree
with its approach to theology, its structure, and its way of making decisions, but the important thing to remember is that we're all on the same team, and all of us are working to be better Christians." That's probably the best summary I can give of how I deal with issues like that when I'm kind of befuddled at how some groups believe something I don't.

eeewwwwwwwwwww

In the midst of my sermon practicing this afternoon I received a call from one William Lamar Heath, Esquire, informing me that he had broken his "Prothro bone." As any of you that have seen me around blood will know, I have a very weak stomach, so I nearly vomited thrice on the music stand that I use as a pulpit in our contemporary worship service. I rallied, however, and managed to listen to Will's tale of woe without completely losing my lunch. It appears that his foot looked "like jello" after the incident. I can't really tell you any more specifics - not because Will didn't tell me, but because I was trying so hard not to vomit that I missed some of what he was saying. But that's alright, he was doped up on "something like morphine, but better" so he probably doesn't remember that the conversation even happened. Good luck recovering Will, and make sure I have a barf bag before you retell the incident again around me.

"Let us go to Dothan"

As you might have guessed from Peter's Trivial Pursuit victory (See the last post), not to mention the title of this post, we recently made a trip to Dothan. We finally bought a digital camera, so now we can bombard you with lame and "interesting" pictures from our excursions.

Genesis 37:17 statue of Joseph and his coat. I thought it was a big coat. That looks like an amazing technicolor dream jacket.

Sing it with me, Willy Wonka kid. "I've got a golden peanut." Dothan is big into Peanuts.

I got my picture made with a peanut farmer. hehe. Get it? A peanut farmer. hehe.











This tree grows near Geneva, Alabama. As the plaque underneath it states, this tree was growing there at the time of the signing of the U.S. constitution - it is a "living witness . . . and continues to grow with our nation in strength and character." It really is huge - that red dot is Peter's shirt.





Part of our trip was spent at a bed and breakfast near Dothan, Garden Path Inn. It was more comfortable than a regular hotel - and really relaxing. The food was almost too good. And the dogwoods were in bloom there already. Yay.

I believe in miracles . . .

I never thought I would see the day myself. I just won a game of trivial pursuit. And as if that weren't enough, I won not just any version of Trivial Pursuit - I just won Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture. I suppose I can't use the "I lived under a cultural rock" excuse anymore (although I probably will). I beat Amanda and our friend Lonnie, both of whom you should tease mercilessly the next time you see them. Getting beaten by me in Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit is like Jackson State beating Florida in the first round - sure it's possible, but it shouldn't happen. Ever. End of story. Or, it's like an Islamic kid beating me in Bible trivia. And yet, I can hear Al Michaels screaming in the background - "do you believe in miracles" (which was one of the questions we had tonight).

Oh yeah, for anyone who hadn't heard by word of mouth or by Will's blog, I had another seizure a few weeks ago, so it's no driving for me until August 26th. Pretty annoying, particularly since I thought I was out of the woods having made it 6 months off the medicine without having one. But, at least I have prescription insurance now, so that it's $30 a month instead of $350 a month for my medicine. And it should force me to involve more people in the church in some of the visiting and things that I do, so that could be a good opportunity to let them know that they too can visit shut-ins, sick people, and nursing home folks. And, as always, Amanda's been great to drive me around and get me where I need to be. Anyway, that's the latest from here.

Lenten thoughts

As I read this today, I was reminded of the Lenten devotionals that we used to write at the Wesley Foundation. Peter wrote it. Hope it means something to you, too.
Amanda

The following first appeared in the First United Methodist Church of Cullman weekly newsletter Vol.66, No.8.

Today marks the first Sunday in Lent, the forty-day season of preparation and penitence before Easter. You will notice that our sanctuary will be decorated during Lent in purple, a reminder of the importance of repentance to this season of preparation. Lent was a time in the early church for training new converts to Christianity who would be baptized on Easter Sunday, thus it has always been tied to giving up certain harmful practices and taking on more beneficial practices. We hope that you will continue that tradition.

Many people during this season give something up for Lent or take on additional spiritual disciplines. Although many of the things that I have seen people give up are simple things like chocolate, caffeine, or playing cards on the computer, giving up simple things can be a reminder throughout Lent of Jesus' sacrifice for us (not to mention the health or time benefits). Taking on a spiritual discipline such as an extended daily prayer time, reading one or all of the gospels, or giving the money you would have spent on Coke to a worthy cause can also deepen your experience of Lent as we prepare for Easter.

Last Sunday, one of the sixth-graders in confirmation asked, "why are we always preparing? Do we ever just do anything?" There's some truth in that question, as Lent without Easter is useless. It is important that we celebrate Christ's victory over death, and each Sunday is in some ways a "mini-Easter" (which is why Lent is actually 46 days; Sundays do not count). Yet Easter without Lent can actually be equally meaningless. The way of Christ leads through the wilderness, into Jerusalem, and finally to the cross, and we will follow Jesus on that path each Sunday of Lent, moving closer and closer to God's ultimate act of redemption in Jesus Christ. Commit your self to truly experience Lent this year, and you will more deeply understand what it means to be an Easter people.

raising the threat level

I remember several folks back at Druid Hills talking about how the Bush administration were experts at using the "terror alert" scale to keep everyone constantly paranoid, raising the alert to modify our behavior and get us to return to our defensive tendencies. It's also one of the things that Michael Moore talked about in Fahrenheit 911, I believe.

Anyway, this week has kind of been like that for me. I don't think Amanda means to be making me paranoid, but she's doing a really good job. The cause is quite simple, actually: she's got a cough. Now normally that wouldn't be a source of paranoia, but consider this - one of her most utilized "shape up, boy" moves is to clear her throat. This typically creates an immediate tensing throughout my body, as I try to figure out what I've just done that caused offense (since I can pick it out 90% of the time upon reflection, but almost never ahead of time). If it happens a second time, I usually stop dead in my tracks and think quickly over my recent actions.

Well, this week, I've been second-guessing and feeling like I've done something wrong constantly. Every time she coughs, my shoulders scrunch up and I start to feel like the bottom's about to fall through (or something's gonna be thrown at me). Maybe there's something to this "changing the threat level creates paranoia" thing, since most of the day I felt like there was a throat-clearing just around the corner.

It probably didn't help much that Amanda's second-favorite signal that I did something dumb is breathing heavily in and out, which tends to happen in the doctor's office during check-ups and when someone is trying to make sure that they can breathe well.

Actually, this is probably just payback for those years and years in which I enjoyed getting Amanda to think that I was thinking about or doing something even when I wasn't, and then making her increasingly paranoid as she tried to figure out what I hadn't thought about before she accused me of thinking about it. Guess that's fair enough. Actually, who am I kidding, I did that last week. She's getting better at sniffing out when I'm shoveling it on, though, so that adds a degree of difficulty. Maybe I should grow up. Then again, you probably shouldn't hold your breath.

fun facts about our new coach

Jennifer Allen did a great job of weaving the following factoids (except for a few I found in other places) into a emotion-evoking piece. I swear they'll make a movie about Nick Saban's life after reading her story.

- Nick Saban and his wife Terry are from a small coal-mining town in West Virginia. They met at junior high science camp. He stood her up on their first date. He sometimes called her from the pay phone across the road from his parents' house if he talked too long on the family phone.

- Nick Saban's father coached his Pop Warner football team, even buying and driving a bus to carry the players to practice and games. The last time Nick Saban talked with his dad, he told his dad about his realizing that he wanted to coach football for the rest of his life.

- Nick Saban went back to West Virginia after his father died and wanted to help his mom run the family business, a service station and Dairy Queen, but his mom wanted him to continue pursuing his dream of coaching.

- Nick Saban eats Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies everyday for breakfast, and a few others during the day.

- Nick Saban used his $8000 bonus when an assistant at Cleveland to pay off his inlaw's mortgage.

- Nick Saban was a student at Kent State at the time of the Kent State Massacre and witnessed its aftermath.

Some of the info was from an article posted here or here or here

But perhaps the best factoid - the last time Alabama hired a head football coach who had already won an SEC championship? 1958

Roll Tide.

The End of the Coach Mike ____ Era

I hope Alabama never hires another man named Mike to be the head football coach. After DuBose, Price, and Shula, I think maybe we've learned it does not bode well. But you'd think we would have learned what a good name is. Paul. Paul is a good name. Don't you think it's time for another Paul? I mean that would make for a great ad campaign and really fire everyone up.

But you know, Mal Moore seems to be in another world, trying to go after a man still in the middle of a season. And I guess a man named Nick will do well if he ever takes the job.

To steal from the late President Ford, I just want "our long national nightmare" to be over. And yes, it has been national.